Tiffany’s Story
Tiffany, age 19
Vancouver, BC
PSSD for 4 years
Upon finding that PSSD is a condition that not only myself, but others must suffer, was relieving, but ultimately upsetting. Knowing that this is often ignored by doctors, and not told as a possible outcome when tapering off antidepressants, brought a pang of despair.
My journey that led to having PSSD began when I was first prescribed an SSRI as a temporary solution to my depressive episodes. I was so young, thus unaware that it would have lasting effects even after I got off. I was only told the more typical side effects from my GP - nausea, eating changes, and sleepiness. That these side effects would only last the first few weeks into taking escitalopram, and that the outcome - my depression cured, would be worth enduring the side effects. However, meds couldn't solve my issues, so he kept upping me to the max dose, as well as switching meds - which happened every time I complained they weren't helping. I went from 20mg escitalopram, 80mg prozac, 225mg effexor, 300mg wellbutrin.
During the time I was taking antidepressants, I was also suffering from an eating disorder, sexual trauma, as well as undiagnosed ADHD, which my GP didn't believe I had. As well as some family issues involving the law. It was clear to the outside eye that my issues were more situational rather than psychological. But my GP only saw that I was depressed, and his only solution was meds. The only aspect where they helped, was that it made me emotionally numb. Nothing mattered to me, my issues weren't as severe - which wasn't exactly good. I was failing my university courses, losing friendships, but it didn't matter to me, I was too emotionally stunted to care and worry. This zombie-like state scared me, and I wish I could realize how badly I was sinking during that time, but instead I just continued living that way. This continued for a couple years until I was prescribed stimulants for my ADHD diagnosis. Withdrawing from effexor and dealing with brain zaps is a whole other rant, but after successfully weaning off, I've finally realized how badly it changed me.
While it may have stabilized my emotions, it has left me with irreversible side effects. Now I can't even orgasm, let alone hold a long lasting relationship. I have no joy for anything. It upsets me knowing that I'll possibly never experience a joyous sexual experience - as felt by others. My erogenous zones are hardly sensitive, and knowing that makes any sexual experience a little upsetting at times. I know sex and pleasure shouldn't be a huge matter, but when its something the world gets to experience, except you, it feels unfair, and I'm left wallowing in my self pity. Maybe I'm blaming it on the meds - looking for a scapegoat to blame my misery for. In the end, I know there are other ways to be happy, I just wish that beginning antidepressants was a journey I didn't start. As much as I don't want to dwell in the past, I do want to spread awareness of this condition.
Personally, I believe antidepressants are oftentimes too quickly prescribed. Depressive episodes can be situational, and don't require a chemical solution (with adverse effects like this), it seems that psychiatrists and doctors often forget this. Hence shouldn't prescribe SSRI/SNRIs as an instant solution. If I were told to put greater emphasis on exercise or diet as a cure for depression, I'd be much happier in the long run. I only wish that more people were aware of this before starting antidepressants. Despite my negativity, I'm lucky to be alive and able to learn. Knowing that I am not the only one suffering from this condition allows me to be less alone, and I hope I can empathize with other PSSD patients.
Stay strong.
Tiffany - Vancouver, BC.